Your mouth is God's brothel.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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