You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
