They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
