Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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