I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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