Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
