the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
