I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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