I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
