I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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