Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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