That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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