Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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