why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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