my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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