I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
