Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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