It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
did you just send me my own nude
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
