Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
