I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
