rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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