There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
