He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
