i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's no shave November. This is our time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
