Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
