With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
