Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
