Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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