He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
