If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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