that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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