I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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