How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
