It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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