I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
