i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
