2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
