cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
