who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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