Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
