I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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