I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize