You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
