i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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