i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
