I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You are a genius and a whore.
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