hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
