Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
