im drinking this country out of the recession.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
