No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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