Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
