I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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