My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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