I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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