I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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