I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
