i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
