i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
