i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
