I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
