I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
