neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
