i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
