Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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