just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
