I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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